us. Thank you for your continued support.
Joey’s Complaints – Spring 2008
#11 – TV TALK SHOW HOSTS ARE WAY OVERPAID
“So the writer’s strike forced the late night hosts off the air. I find this hard to understand.
Conan O’Brien is paid 8 million dollars a year---Jay Leno gets 14 million—and Letterman collects 16 million. They say that talk is cheap, but not with THESE GUYS! And you mean to tell me that not one of these guys has the talent to sit and ad-lib for one hour a night?
I do it for five hours every night, and you KNOW we have no writers here!
And then, I have to do another hour when I get home explaining to my landlord why the rent is late. In my case, talk IS cheap!”
#10 – THE POOR PEOPLE ALWAYS HAVE TO PAY
“So this satellite radio merger with XM and Sirius is now in the works, a merger of two monopolies that don’t make any money! This smells a little fishy to me, but people with money and power always get their way.
Rich people run everything in such a way that the poor people pay for it. Now it’s OK for rich people to run everything---and it’s OK for rich people to be rich---I just don’t want to pay for it!
Exxon made a profit of 40 BILLION DOLLARS, and now we’re going to be paying $4.00 a gallon for gas so they can make even more. And when Bear-Stearns got rescued, WE paid for that, too!
Now tomorrow, I want you to call up Bill O’Reilly and bring this stuff up. Tell him we don’t want to hear about Obama or Hilary or about any pedophile judges. We want to talk about rich people running everything and poor people having to pay for it.”
#9 – I’M TIRED OF BEING PASSED OVER
“So I was listening to Dr. Ronald Hoffman’s Show earlier, and I heard all those calls from people who don’t feel good---and then I started to feel bad! I was never too concerned about my health until I got old and cranky---then I became a little concerned.
But I’m a good patient. In fact, I’m the most patient guy at this radio station. I’ve been waiting 12 YEARS to get a better shift!
Now Steve Malzberg used to be on opposite me on WABC---then he went over to WWRL for a while---and then he came here and got the 9:00 PM shift. And NOW, he’s got afternoon drive! I’m not TOO resentful!
If he wins an award, I’ll trip his ass as he walks up to get it! I’ve become the Susan Lucci of radio!”
#8- JAY LENO JUST DOESN’T GET IT
“People don’t like it when I pick on Jay Leno because he IS a nice guy. I don’t dislike him, but I do dislike the direction that he has taken that show.
Those interviews he does out on the sidewalk that show how DUMB we are---that isn’t smart. It shows us in our worst light and gives people the idea that we really ARE that dumb. I’m sure they do about 30 interviews, and then pick out the four DUMBEST PEOPLE and put THEM on the air---because that’s what is funny to a certain crowd. Keep putting people in a place where they LOOK dumb, and they’ll BE dumb! I just don’t like it.
AND…..he’s also turned the show into a “Trailer Park”. Just show the movie trailers and let the stars talk about them.”
#7 – BAD BEHAVIOR GETS REWARDED
“Don Imus is a guy with many lives. He makes a racial slur on the air---gets a six-month vacation and a huge contract settlement---a then gets to come BACK with a new deal worth 8 million dollars. Does this make any sense at all? The more you act out, the richer you become.
I just wish I could find a way to get paid 8 million dollars. Maybe I could if I gave myself a “Doctor” title---like Dr. Joy Browne or Dr. Ronald Hoffman.
Well, I’m not really a Doctor, but I can sure diagnose a “staff infection”!!! I told Ron Kuby months ago that they had one at WABC, and now HE’S a casualty!
#6 – AL MARTINO SPOILED EVERYTHING
“It’s really not good to be King when you’re only 21 years old, but I WAS! I was the #1 jock in the country, and I was like a cat in a tuna factory. I had anything I wanted, and THAT was the problem! I was making bushels of money for that company, so they gave me whatever I wanted. And I said, “Just keep on bringing it and I’ll tell you when to stop.”
I had a mansion on Delaware Avenue in Buffalo. Three floors, ten bedrooms, a movie theatre, a bowling alley and a swimming pool all in the house.
Then, Al Martino paid me a visit one day and said---“The humidity from that swimming pool is going to ruin all the walls in this house.”
He spoiled everything!”
#5 – RYAN SEACREST ALWAYS SWOOPING IN
“So the latest story out there is that Ryan Seacrest is going to replace Larry King. This “youth formula” is getting out of control.
Ryan Seacrest has already replaced Dick Clark, Casey Kasem and Rick Dees. Is this guy going to be the replacement for EVERYBODY?
I’ll bet he walks around like Dr. Kevorkian just WAITING for someone to get sick or have a problem---so then HE can swoop in and grab their gig!
He’s OK---he’s cute---but, hey----he is not THAT talented.”
#4 – IMPROPER CONCERT PROMOTIONS
“So they’re promoting this concert that is coming up with The Temptations and The Four Tops---but they really shouldn’t advertise it that way. Most of those guys are gone now---I think we’re down to one Temp and one Top! So you’ll be seeing The Temp and The Top---not the original groups.
They do this stuff all the time. Back when I was a disk jockey in the 1960’s, I knew The Marvelettes. They were girls in their early 20’s. When that group appears today, the girls are STILL in their 20’s! HOW CAN THAT BE?
Oh---by the way---next month they’re having a concert with The Door and The Searcher!”
#3- UNREASONABLE COURT SETTLEMENTS
“So Annuca Brown Sanders won her sexual harassment lawsuit against Isiah Thomas and the Knicks, and the jury awarded her 11 million dollars. It’s like she’s a lottery winner!
Now I’m sure that they picked on her and gave her a tough time, but I still can’t believe that a jury would give her 11 MILLION DOLLARS! Nobody should get that much!
So this leaves me with one question. I’ve been fired 28 times---WHO DO I SUE?
I’ll tell you one thing, when they fire me here, my lawyers are going to take a good close look at it!”
#2 – RUSH LIMBAUGH’S AUDIENCE
“So we have this new technology for measuring radio audiences called “People Meters”. People keep them on, and the meters track the programs that are listened to.
Now guess what this has revealed? Rush Limbaugh’s commercials have a BIGGER audience HE does! This shows you what idiots listen to his show---they actually LISTEN to the commercials! Nobody else’s audience does that!
If this is truly the case, they are really in a position to make a killing. Get rid of Rush, and just run his commercials.”
1 – THE LENGTH OF THE PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN
“This Presidential Election stuff goes on WAY TOO LONG! It should all be cut back to 90 days before the election.
Let me raise one question here: During all this time that Senators Obama, Clinton and McCain have been out campaigning, WHO has been doing the jobs that THEY were elected to do and are being PAID to do?
We should call them all back in and say---“Hey, go to your regular jobs for a while and help us solve some problems. Sit at your desk and “Senate” like all the other Senators do!”
OK—OK---I’ll admit that I don’t have all the answers. The only one who does is Alex Trebek.”
